


The fire in me started by pieces

by Fangirlmoon



Series: Derek 'Hondo' Morgan [5]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV), S.W.A.T. (TV 2017)
Genre: Anger, Anger Management, Autism, Autism Spectrum, Autistic Spencer Reid, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Spencer Reid, Hurt/Comfort, Past Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:02:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28417302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirlmoon/pseuds/Fangirlmoon
Summary: Spencer has a problem dealing with his emotions, while Morgan does everything to help him including taking him to the station to blow up some steam.____AU in which Derek Morgan's reason to leave the BAU is he took on the position as a Teamleader with the LAPD Swat.[This is based on "criminal minds" and "S.W.A.T", Derek Morgan and Daniel Harrelson are the same person in this AU]
Relationships: Derek Morgan & Spencer Reid
Series: Derek 'Hondo' Morgan [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2080692
Kudos: 32





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> I would advise you to read the previous parts first for a better understanding of the storyline.

"You slam that door one more time like that you lose the privilege to be my passenger in this baby." Annoyed by Spencer being annoyed all afternoon Morgan looked at him after he slammed the car door hard enough to wake the neighbors.

"I didn't slam the door."

"Oh then it must have been the wind." He thought the kid would slowly start doing better. He got an offer to lecture three times a week and with that came the distraction. It's been three weeks since he took that offer shortly after his first session with Dr. Hughes that happen now ones a week and against her advise with Morgan present because Spencer refuses to talk to her without him. His last session was yesterday and to Morgans surprise he actual talked a lot about his time in prison but when Morgan bought up his passive aggressiveness over the last week he told him that he wasn't passive aggressive and that Morgan should 'shut up'. "It is late I am going to bed, you don't have to lecture tomorrow are you staying up?"

"Why are you always watching what I am doing?"

"I am trying to make conversation. You barely talked to me while having dinner in that restaurant. You didn't answer the waitress when she asked you something and you snapped at the teenager in the store, I am trying to find out what is up with you. This is not you."

"Just because I don't want to talk."

"Because you are being rude. That kid in the store didn't do anything, she didn't mean to touch your arm as she grabbed the package out of the shelf." Without looking to Morgan Reid sat down on the couch in front of him the coffee table with all the books he uses to plan his lectures. "And I am not even talking about the fact how low and patience is and how easily you get aggressive. The car door, the glass your slammed into the sink this morning because you didn't get a piece of orange out of it, the spine of the book your broke because it wouldn't stop closing itself, you yelled at me three years ago because I did that-"

"Because the book three years ago was mine and it was expensive."

"As far as I remember I paid over a hundred dollar for these books so you can lecture with the ones they use at that college."

"I told you you didn't have to. You insisted on paying yourself." He was right of course but Morgan was clearly the only one making money since Reid still didn't get his first paycheck yet and he still had to pay rent for his apartment in Virginia and for his mother's nursing home he didn't want the kid to have money problem on top of all of it. "Didn't you want to go to bed?"

"Get your act together." 

"Whatever."

It's not like they haven't fought before. Hotch is probably still pissed off about the night the two of them fought so loudly in a hotel room he woke up and changed rooms with Reid. Or the time Morgan ate Reid's lunch because he thought he was grabbing something to eat with JJ or the time Reid scratched Morgans car with his bike by accident but this time it's just the current Tension that comes with Reid whenever he enters the room. It doesn't make Morgan love him less but there was a moment or two this week were he wished the kid would show a little more gratitude. He knows he does his best so he just walks upstairs and lays in bed till he hears him coming up the stairs and getting in his room.

What also came with Reid was the chaos. Books everywhere and now also notes everywhere but Morgan knew better than to touch any of them, its his way of structuring his mind even if that means eating Breakfast on a chair with the bowl in his hand because there was no space on his kitchen or coffee table but when he came home and the books have gotten more because Spencer can now use the library at the college he was teaching at and the notes have also been spread on the floor and don't look anything like what he is teaching and everything like some math problem even Morgan lost his cool for a moment. "For God sakes can't you use the table for this?" 

"What?"

"I come into this house,my house and have to watch not to step on this-" Lost for words he gestured towards the paper right in front of the entry. 

"This is my try to solve-"

"Is it a case?"

"No I would have told you."

"Then please get this out of my entrance or I will."

"I can't move it now. I am halfway there."

"Reid, move it to your room I don't care you can use the kitchen table but not every piece of floor and leave little holes were we can step in. This is not only your house." Morgan had tried to be understanding with him since he came to LA but even he has limits. "I am gonna leave now, and when I come back I won't see a single note on the floor and the ones on the kitchen table are sorted. Not even mentioning the books that you will stack next to the wall were I won't trip over them." 

"Why?"

"Because I can't live in a mess like you."

"This is not a mess. Look." Quickly he moved towards the entrance. "Here you can see one part of the equation and when you walk down here." Concentrated he jumped over the neadly laid out notes to the ones that were printed out. "You can see the solutions others came up with." He didn't even dare to follow him into the kitchen. "Morgan?"

"Kid, for me it's a mess and it has to go."

"But why don't you understand?"

"I am trying,Spencer." 

"Then look,all of this makes sense. I just need a little more time to figure this out and then I will clean everything up I promise." Innocently he looked into Morgans face, chewing ones again on his inner lip, having a book in his hand that is nearly closed only a finger is still inside of it to mark the page he was reading. 

"Okay, when I come home tomorrow after my first shift this is gone. Promise?"

"I promise, thank you!" 

He got up next morning to the same chaos, and he was fine with it before he saw Reid lying on the couch which means he slept there. "Reid!"

"Huch?"

"You have to be in a classroom in half an hour."

"What?"

"Its eight. Were you up all night?"

"Yeah, let me- let me-"

"Go put on some new clothes, I will drive you." Well this won't be cleaned up before he comes home later but at least he can see Spencer walking into the building with a big goofy smile proud to be allowed to lecture. Rossi had often said the kid should do it or join him on his press tour but he had nearly always declined. Claiming he hated speaking in front of people.

But what Morgan didn't know then was that he wouldn't make it home after his first shift but instead came home in the late evening. From outside he could see the light in the livingroom and Spencer still being up. And as he stepped in,the chaos. 

"Morgan you there?"

"Yes. I am there. And so is the chaos you promised would be gone by now." 

"Please hear me out. I was in class and I figured something out so I waited till I came home and I worked on it and it worked but now I am stuck at the next step I just need a little bit more time-"

"No."

"What do you mean no?"

"Either you will pick this up right now and can get this sorted for yourself or I will pick it up."

"Please just give me a few more hours-"

"You haven't slept last night. I was working all day and it was a long day, we will clean this up now and then go to bed."

"When you are so tired, please just let me have a few more hours and you can go to bed already. "

"No." Morgan was so tired from his shift and everything else going on that he didn't even noticed Reid feeling the same. He left his bag at the door and started picking up the notes spread in front of the corridor of his house.

"Please don't do this." Reid begged as Morgan angrily walked into the kitchen and puts the first stack down before going back and picking the rest from the dark wooden floor of his house. "Please stop,Morgan." As he wanted to start in the living room, Reid got down and started grabbing his arm. "Please let me finish this stop messing it up." In his eyes were tears.

"Kid the only thing I am gonna let you do is sleep."

"Please I am nearly there just-"

"Go to bed or help me clean up."

"You don't understand." He knew Spencer wasn't gonna calm down in the next minutes and that he is probably gonna get yelled it and Spencer will cry so much Morgans heart will break but they went through it ones a couple years back when Spencer didn't want to stop working on a case after two days without sleep and they will get through it again. "Please."

"Let me go." Reid did let go, so Morgan proceeded to collect the paper. 

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because you won't." It took Morgan a few more minutes to put everything on the kitchen table before he started to collect the books ignoring his friend standing in the room crying silently. The reaction could have been worse. "Did you eat?" Not stopping with stacking the books next to his wall Morgan asked knowing the answer. "You can be mad at me all night long just remember I am trying to help you."

"I hate you."

"Okay, I still love you so if you decide to change your mind and want something to eat, please tell me now then I will go and pick something up somewhere if not we can have breakfast tomorrow." Morgan waited a few more seconds before going for his bag and heading towards the stairs. 

"Do you feel better now?"

"What?"

"Do you feel better now that you just ruined the thing I was working on for the last days and then just covered it up with 'oh man I love you but really I don't care how you feel I just do everything so my old team is satisfied when I send you psycho back to Quantico' is that the thing that you need to feed your ego?" 

"Spencer, I am trying to get you."

"Than why didn't you stop ruining it?" Carefully Morgan laid his hands on Spencer's upper arms the tears were still on his cheek.

"Because I am trying to do what's best for you and I think you have been angry for a long time now and have no idea how to deal with it and obsessing over another problem to forget what you were obsessing about before is not going to work."

"It worked for the last two days" He said softly.

"We will find out something better okay? Let's rest for the day and then we can look in the morning. And we can talk about if the Attic could be used as a Dr Spencer Reid Office that would be big enough to spread the notes again and to continue working on it. Whatever it is."


	2. 2

"Get up, I am taking you to the station today."

"What time is it?" Still tired Spencer looked at Morgan who was standing in his doorway. 

"6:30 AM, we will leave in half an hour, wear something you can do sports in."

"Sports?"

"Yes sports."

"I don't have anything. Its 6:30am. What is wrong with you?" He hates sports what was Morgan thinking waking him up at this time when he could have slept in just to come with him. Meanwhile Morgan was downstairs making Breakfast for the both of them,after he came up with the plan. 

"This doesn't look right."

"It does." With a smile he looks at Spencer in the black sweatpants and Derek's old BAU T-shirt.

"Can I not wear these?"

"We are gonna train together this morning if you want or not." 

"I will train with you its just-" Insecure he played with the fabric of the trousers. "The material will feel- I don't know- It will feel wrong when I sweat can I maybe-"

"I have others with another material if you are asking that."

"Yeah." They found ones with a different material and got on they way to the station. Derek could use his time from the shift to train so he was doing that after explaining that to Spencer and telling him that he can take the car, if Morgan has to go, to drive home. "Do you think they are gonna laugh at me?" 

"Not if I am standing next to you. They won't dare."

"Can we stop if I get uncomfortable? I mean not in the physical way just if I think to many people are looking weird or making me feel insecure."

"Pretty boy, I may have sound harsh when I woke you up this morning but I am just trying to help you with this. If you don't feel good, it probably won't help you." 

"Is that a yes?"

"Yes. You just tell me." They started slow just warming up a bit what for Reid felt like the whole work out. Chris, Luca and Street joint them shortly after but not commenting on Reid just doing they thing and letting Derek and Spencer do theirs but still keeping up the small talk in between. Deacon and Tan joint shortly after not without Deacon shooting Morgan a look asking if everything was okay, the two didn't need to talk anymore to clarify things like that. "Reid, check this out." Luca got his and Morgans attention shortly before bringing Street completely off balance due him showing his feet back while passing by. Morgan had noticed Luca trying the hardest to integrate Spencer into the group. Everybody who saw it cracked a smile at the situation even Reid but not before checking if the Teamleader does find it funny too. "Okay who wants to go?" Luca and Tan got first in the ring, going a few rounds before Tan was replaced by Deacon and Luca decided after one round to give his spot to someone else. 

"Agent, you want to try?" Deacon asked.

"I am not sure I am trained for this. They basically had to ignore all the physical parts in the academy to get me into the FBI." 

"That was what? 15 years ago." Morgan motivated him, he knew Deacon wouldn't beat the kid into pieces especially after what happened at the Badge vs badge tournament. "Try it."

Uncomfortable Reid looked up to the ring and then back to Morgan. "I am not good at this."

"You will learn." 

"Here are some fresh gloves, no bacteria." Chris handed him with a smile the fresh black pair from the shelf which made Reid happy because she remembered that he doesn't deal with bacteria like the average person. 

"Thank you." Despite the fact that he really didn't want to go, he climbed into the ring and looked at Deacon to figure out what his intentions were and what he was supposed to do. 

"Okay, try to stand like Deacon, kid." Morgan instructed him before seeing the disaster of a posture of his best friend and climbing in himself to correct it. With his arms on the kids arm from behind he steadied him, before asking him if he was okay.

"Yes, I just don't know what to do."

"Hey you do know. It's all in your brain,we trained hand to hand combos, use that."

"I don't want to hurt him."

"You won't, trust me. And tell me if the gloves are getting to much, don't push yourself just because you think you have to be okay with wearing them just because everybody else is." Spencer hates wearing gloves. It's the way the texture is directly on his skin and the way his hands are sweating underneath them. He feels like he can't touch anything with them but surprisingly for the moment, these gloves are okay, as long as he knows Morgan will help him get them off the moment he steps out of the ring. "Any more questions you ask." With that his friends steps back out.

"Did you know that in professional boxing the average death rate per year is at 9-10 per year?"

"I did not." Deacon answered surprised by the question.

"But I don't think we have to worry about that in the amateur league it's at three per year and I wouldn't count myself as that so we are good I think." He stopped for a moment. "And we are wearing gloves in the area before that there were 266 documented deaths between 1740 and 1889."

"You are supposed to hit him with your fist not your facts kid." Morgan commented before he gives Deacon a hand signal to hit him first which resulted in Spencer hitting back in the side and Morgan just now hoped that it wouldn't trigger any memories from when Spencer was beat up in prison. "Go go go Reid." It was clear to everyone that if Deacon wanted the Kid would be lying on the ground by now but even the Sargent had to admit that he wasn't as bad as he thought at first. "Okay now I want to knock the kid around a little bit, just like a few years back." Derek took the gloves from Deacon and stepped in front of Spencer who's hands were hanging at his sides, while he was chewing on his lip again. "Don't chew on you lip because if I hit you there is a high chance that will hurt like hell." He immediately stopped right before Morgan knocked him into the sight. "And keep your hands up. C'mon you know better than this." He hit him again making him scrunch into himself for a moment before he got hit in the face and immediately went for Morgans side and and again and again until he got himself back to the middle of the ring . "That's what I am talking about, Pretty boy." The eyes of the others were focused on them but not staring it was more like a glancing over every few seconds. Especially Deacon didn't get Hondo's intention with this, why he would put the kid in this position after he must have seen how uncomfortable the kid is standing there but he was also the one trusting Hondo's instincts. Still it surprised him when Hondo hit the kid harder. "Were is the anger from yesterday when you need it?"

"I thought about it and you were just trying-" Again a hit.

"Quit talking and fight."

"I really don't want to fight."

"You looked ready to fight an army when you were sitting on that floor yesterday and I just kept throwing away your notes."

"You didn't throw-" Another hit and Spencer could feel the Anxiety rise within him. Why was Morgan doing this? 

Nervously Spencer glanced over to Deacon who broke eye contact the minute he saw the scared eyes. Hondo was having a plan otherwise he wouldn't do this.

"You know what kid,I've never got you and math anyways. Why do you even have a PhD in it? What did it ever do good for any case?" It was a low blow Morgan knew that too. "Just some numbers." Another hit. "And then you go and make that chaos in my house that I share with you. C'mon man you can do better than that." Morgan could feel the guilt rising in himself. He knew how proud Spencer is of his PhD in mathematics and how proud he was when he won an award a few years back and happily had tucked JJ and Morgan along with him. 

"I was just trying to-" Again a hit cut him off.

"Trying to what? Solve a mathematics problem that hasn't been solved in hundreds of years? Did you hear that guys?" No body was actually laughing and Morgan found himself, even if right know didn't go according to his plan, extremely glad they didn't. 

"It was-" When he was suppressed by another hit Reid got louder. "God Morgan let me explain myself!"

"Oh now you want to explain yourself?" Morgan mocked him ones more which tipped him over causing him to hit back. 

"I try all the time. You don't get me. Why won't you get me? I try-" A hit. "I try to make it as clear as possible but people don't understand-" He hit a couple more times and Morgan let's him. Not fighting back. "You don't understand. You just took me here to fix me- Because I couldn't keep myself together with Cat-" He hit and hit and Morgan took it while now even the last person of the team had stopped training. Debating for themselves if they should leave them to it. "But the whole time I've been here I just have been trying to put together what happened in Mexico, in prison I tried and it was to loud and they all hated me, and, and I couldn't focus and then I came here and I still couldn't figure it out. Why can't I fucking remember what happened? Why do I still have pieces missing? And then I started the math problem because I knew I would stop thinking about it and you took it again." He hit one final time. "I just want to know if she did it." Before beginning to sob and go down to his knees. Morgan quickly removed his gloves before pulling Spencer in a hug. The tear streamed face buried in his neck as he placed his hand in the kids curls the other hand holding his back. "Why me?"

"I don't know kid. I don't know." They sat they like this before Spencer calmed down a little bit and pulled bag from the body covered in sweat and tried getting out of the gloves. "Let me help you." Gentle he grabbed Spencer's Arm and pulled it off. 

"Is it wrong to rather have her did it and that there is prove than to never be able to find out?"

"She is a psychopath, she had your mom kidnapped, there is a high chance that she made that story up to get in your head.The kid she had at least wasn't yours." Carefully Morgan had placed his hand on the kid cheek stroking his thumb up and down. 

"She, she said that Lindsey,the girl who worked with her, pretended to be Meave and that that worked and-and-" The memories of Spencer screaming and crying for her came back to Morgan's memories. "I got so angry, I hurt her and- and-"

"Hey,try to stay calm." Morgan moves one hand to Spencer's chest and puts pressure on it. Not in a way it will disturb his breathing but enough to make him feel it.  
"What you did to her was something you normally wouldn't. And its okay, you have seen me lose my cool with people and now am I what? A bad person? Someone who should feel bad?" 

Spencer quickly shook his head before grabbing Morgans arm with his shaking hand. "Can't breath."

"That will pass kid, just keep breathing you've got this." Morgan got him steady and calm enough to get him out of the ring together with Street who immediately offered helped with bringing him to the car. "I am gonna bring you home now okay?" 

Morgan got him home, let him shower before he came quietly into his room were Morgan was sitting on the bad his back against his headboard and the kid, the kid just curled himself up next to him. Getting himself the touch he didn't have for a long time, just drifting off into sleep every now and then while movies were playing on the TV. By the end of the fourth movie, it wasn't even really evening both of them were asleep. Sleeping off the tension off the last week hoping that one day they will be okay again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my first language so I am sorry if some mistakes make you want to clean your eyes with bleach.

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language so I am sorry if some mistakes make you want to clean your eyes with bleach.


End file.
